My Epiphany

 In February of 2010, after about two years of treating myself and others badly,  doing plenty of blaming, complaining, and being just plain miserable, I FINALLY got fed up. As you may have guessed, these behaviors got me absolutely nowhere except into a deeper hole. I had hit my rock bottom; there was nowhere else for me to go.  I knew I had to make a change, and what I was doing CLEARLY wasn’t working.  I remember looking at myself in the mirror and crying, saying “This can’t be it for me. I know that there has to be more to life than this.”  This was the very moment that I made the CONSCIOUS CHOICE and COMMITMENT to change.  Once I surrendered to myself, letting go of all resistance, my life began to transform.  

I have always considered myself a lifelong learner, always needing to know everything. People have always said that knowledge is power, and although I never knew exactly how true that statement really was, I always made sure to continue to educate myself in different areas.  When my transformation began, the first bit of information that came to me was that of the Law of Attraction. A couple years before my change, I had heard about and bought the book “The Secret”.  Not having time to read it when it was bought, I put it on my bookshelf only to be forgotten about.  Two days after making my “choice” I was babysitting my nieces overnight.  Before bed, my littlest niece went to the bookshelf to grab a story and many books came tumbling to the ground.  As I gave the books their place back on the bookshelf, I stood eye to eye with “The Secret”. Something inside of me told me to read this book; I felt an internal nudge.  I knew my time had come to read, internalize and appreciate this book.  I read it from front to back that evening and began to apply the law of attraction to my life the very next day.  

At the time, I thought I hit the jackpot! I understood! You attract back in your life what you put out into the universe.  If my thoughts were positive, I would attract positive things, people, circumstances and situations.  If my thoughts were negative, I would attract negative.  Simple enough, right?!  WRONG!!!  It sounds easy to tell yourself to think positive thoughts, but when you have lived a certain way for your entire life, it is not as easy as you might think.  I couldn’t “trick” my mind into thinking positive thoughts all the time. It truly was a process and I needed constant reminders. I was literally training my mind to think positively. Instead of continuously rereading the book, I bought “The Secret” DVD.  Every morning while getting ready for work, I would start my day by watching the movie.  It put me in a great state of mind in the morning, and would many times carry out throughout the day.  Unfortunately, some days it didn’t carry out throughout the day, and I KNEW in my heart that there was more information that I was missing.

After watching the DVD so many times that it literally started skipping, I one day stumbled upon something that led to my next great bit of information. It was about three months later in May of 2010 when I found the key that opened a flooding door of knowledge. One day I was about to press play to watch “The Secret” again and I accidentally hit the down button on the remote instead, which took me to the “special features” part of the menu.  I saw “Bob Proctor” and clicked on what more he had to say, and boy am I happy I did. What Bob said truly made me believe in everything that I was learning and knew that there was so much more than what I already knew. The initial hole in my heart had been filled by Bob’s information, but now I developed an even bigger hole on the other side of my heart because I KNEW there was more that I needed to know. I started doing research on Bob Proctor to find the book that changed his life so many years ago and came to find that it was Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich”.  I immediately bought the book on amazon, and noticed more books that others had bought when they searched for Napoleon Hill so I bought them all (8 books total).  I began to read the books in the order that they arrived. My first book was Wallace D. Wattles “The Science of Getting Rich”, then Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich”, then “Genevieve Behrend’s “Your Invisible Power”.  These books were absolutely amazing and astonishing to me. The information flooded my entire being and I felt genuinely blessed to have found this knowledge. For some reason though, I still felt a tiny piece that was still missing inside of me.  I was ingesting all of this information and allowing it to marinate. I believed what I was reading and was applying it to my life.  I knew that something, some piece was not there and it needed to be found.  It was not until I read Napoleon Hill’s “The Law of Success” that my life truly changed.  When I began reading “The Law of Success” I was reading it for pleasure before bed. I understood what was being said and highlighted important information as I read. Some nights I would read the book and sometimes I would not.  I was not consistent with my studies because I was not thinking about it as studies.  

It was not until February 20, 2012 when I found the truth of what I had been searching for, for two years.  This was the day that I made a commitment to make a serious change to my career, and once that definite decision was made, change my life did.  Before I continue with how my life changed for the positive, allow me to explain what I had been doing right and wrong for the past two years.  From the time I watched “The Secret” for the first time until that present moment, my focus was completely on money. I would pray for money, long for money, think about money, play the lottery, and do anything I could FOR money. Money was controlling my inner and outer being, instead of me controlling it. I was not thinking of money as my friend that helped me along the way to reach my goals (mainly because I had no goals). My goal was to receive money. Interestingly enough, as much as I was thinking about money, I would carelessly and irresponsibly spend whatever money I did receive (sometimes even before I received it).  I did not connect these faults at the time which in turn led to a great lesson learned.

After I realized that money was not going to just fall out of the air onto my lap, I started to think about  creating a goal to achieve. I thought long and hard about what made me happy at the time and I decided that I wanted to focus on health and beauty; health because I was very active and loved to work out, and beauty because I had been living the spa life for the past five years receiving free procedures through work.  Both health and beauty allowed me to relax and feel good about myself. So, I first began my journey within the health field.  I always noticed a few friends on Facebook posting about doing a cleanse and the benefits of cleansing ones body.  I decided to message one friend and inquire further.  I bought a cleanse through her friend and have been doing them every three-six months since July 2010. After using the products and seeing what positive benefits I received (both mental and physical) I decided to inquire about selling the products and helping others to achieve health goals.  I went to trainings, talked to many people, and made a part time business out of it.  It was/is very fulfilling to help many people along the way by educating them on healthy tips to make small changes that would best suit their needs.

After my idea in the health field was in motion, I decided to focus all of my attention on my spa idea.  I have always been one to dream big, and in turn my goal was to own a spa/wellness center. I began to do research on what it would take in order for me to own a spa and I discovered that I would need a license. I decided that this was what I wanted to do and I signed up for classes in order to take my first step.  The first set of night classes were to begin November 21, 2011 and I received a call a week before saying that due to low enrollment the institution would not be holding night classes. The woman assured me that the next session beginning on February 20, 2012 would definitely have enough people and to count on beginning my studies then.  I agreed and signed up for those classes.  Again, two weeks before classes were to begin, I received a phone call stating that due to low enrollment they would not be holding the night program. I did not get upset, I just thought. I had a comforting feeling and a knowing that everything is working out for the best.  I then made the decision in my mind that I would move to New York City on August 1, 2012 to pursue my dreams there, trusting that God would guide me on the right path.

Although these two goals were great, and I had visualized every last detail in my mind, I had still felt that tiny hole in my heart throughout the entire process. I have discovered that the feeling is one of uncertainty, and I always thought that when you discovered your goal then you would see things clearer. This brings me back to my awakening, a day I will never forget.   February 20, 2012 was a day that I already had in my mind as the day that I would begin my studies towards a new and better future.  I was on vacation the entire week for winter break and made the conscious decision to spend time enhancing my mind, body, and soul everyday from that day forward. It was a beginning of a new life!  This decision was so engrained in my mind that even though my course was canceled, I still planned to follow through on what I had previously planned to do. I woke up that morning and went to the gym, immediately after, I went to the library at a college I had previously taken courses at.  I sat in the library, looked at the book “The Law of Success” and vowed to read and study one chapter a day and really open myself up to the knowledge. Immediately, what I see as miracles began to happen.  Within the four hour time period that I was in the library, I had received an email from the Silva Method website and I signed up for a few free lessons. The next day I came home and again received another email from an Unlimited Abundance address asking if i wanted to be part of a free webinar energy clearing session, so I signed up.  The next day I received an email from Bob Proctor’s website asking if I wanted to be part of another free webinar which I graciously accepted. This day was also the day I will never forget because this was the day I received The Silva Method’s centering meditation exercise.  Everyday I would go to the library, study another chapter, and a new blessing would happen.  

Now, let me tell you what was so different about me reading “The Law of Success”  this time. Before, when I would read the books, I would read the words and gather the information not putting much feeling behind what I was accepting. I would try to apply the knowledge without having full belief or feeling.  This time, for whatever reason, I was completely open to the knowledge. I was so open and conscious of the knowledge I was gaining that I quite literally felt as though I was floating. I was studying, not reading.  When you study, you are doing research. You are proving that the information that is being read is legitimate.  It leads to believing. When I believed and then applied the information given to me, there were no limits in any area of my life.