The Art of Being Present

“Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment” 

 ~Buddha

How many times have you been driving only to realize that you have no idea how you came to be where you are?  How often have you devoured dinner only to look at your almost empty plate wondering how it got that way?  Think about how many times you have met someone new only to have forgotten their name five minutes later.

There is no denying that life is busy and that our minds take us elsewhere.  In fact, most people spend more time thinking about their past or future than they do about where they are at any given moment.  Unfortunately, this creates an inner world of chaos that makes it almost impossible to live a completely happy and peaceful life.  

Let’s talk about the problems with focusing on the past and future.

THE PAST:

I have never been one to sugar coat anything so I am just going to come right out and say it... STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PAST. When you focus on the past, you think about things that can not be changed.  The past is over, done with, complete, no longer existing. I know that may seem harsh, and yes, the past can many times leave scars. But the problem is that if you continually think about the past, then you will miss the present.  You will be so focused on either the sadness or greatness that has already taken place, that you will not notice the opportunities right in front of you. If you do not notice present opportunities, then how can you evolve?  

Yes, it is important to learn from past mistakes, but that is all it should be...learning.  Reflecting is different than dwelling.  Reflect, improve, continue the journey.

THE FUTURE:

I love the thought of the future just as much as the next guy.  The visions, the opportunities, the possibilities! It get me excited just thinking about it! I am not saying to completely stop thinking about the future because I know that visualization and having a clear and definite plan is key to success.  I am going to say, however, to not let those thoughts completely consume you to where you may miss an opportunity.  

The future, unfortunately, is not guaranteed. Many times plans will change, goals will change, LIFE will change.  It always seems that right when we have things the way we want them the unexpected will happen.  Nothing is ever certain with the future. 

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What is the deal with being present?

THE PRESENT

So, now let’s talk about the awesomeness of being in the present!  Being present means more than just focusing on the here and now.  It is a type of consciousness and awareness.  Being present is noticing your space, your time, your surroundings, your moments.  It is appreciating each second, remembering that those are seconds of your life that you will never get back.  

As I went for a walk today, I made a point to be present and notice if others were being present as well.  I began my walk with noticing a mother raking leaves with her two children.  Although this is a dreaded chore to some, the three seemed to be having fun with the task. The mother spoke to her children about their day and genuinely asked questions and listened to answers.

About a half mile later, my awareness focused on the rest of my surroundings. I noticed the sounds of birds, my footsteps, my breath, and my dogs heavy panting.  I gazed in awe at the sun blazing through the clouds, the sky, and the amazing mountains. I felt the muscles in my body working to move me faster. I thought about how amazing the human body is and how everything works in just the right ways. It was as if my consciousness had shifted.  It felt as though my senses were heightened. That walk was mine and I enjoyed my moment in time.

To finish my walk, I passed the cute family raking leaves together again.  Only this time, the mother and her two children were lying in the pile they raked.  As I walked by I listened to their conversation.  The mother lifted the little girl up (she couldn’t have been more than 3 years old) in the airplane position.  While doing that, the little boy said to her, “Momma, I feel like I’m in a cloud”.  Their conversation continued on to what it would be like to fly in a cloud, how it would feel and what they would see. The family was completely engaged in their fantasy conversation.  By the time I fully passed, the three were lying there quietly looking at the clouds together, as if contemplating or visualizing their thoughts.

“WOW!”, I thought. What an amazing example of a mother being present with her children.  I’m sure she could have been thinking about twenty different things at that moment.  I’m sure she has bills to pay, rooms to clean, tasks to complete for work, or deadlines to make, but she made a choice in that place in time. Even if it was for that small moment, she decided to leave everything behind and shut everything off in order to dream about what it would be like to be in a cloud with her children.  She was there with them... not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well. Her body was calm, her mind was relaxed, and I believe she experienced what it was like to be still.

TIPS ON BEING PRESENT:

Focus on your breathing- When you think about and focus on your breath, all of the stray thoughts in your mind seem to disappear.  You are then left with a clear mind and your awareness of your breath.  

Chew multiple times before swallowing your food-  While eating, chew your food a minimum of 30 times before you swallow. Your food should be a liquid or almost liquid by the time it goes down your throat.  Be quiet when you eat. Think about your actions. Appreciate the blessings that you are given.

Practice- Practice being quiet and listening. Listen to everything that is going on around you. If you are walking, stop for a moment and close your eyes. Really listen to everything that you do not notice when you’re not listening. Hear people, cars, birds, feet, wind, airplanes, trains, bikes, your breath, music, jewelry clanking.  Slow your thoughts and just listen. 

Become aware- Shift your awareness to your environment. Notice everything!  Many times our minds are so busy that our eyes miss the beauty of this world. We only see what is in our minds.  Become aware instead. Have a heightened aware of trees, grass, snow, clouds, mountains, hills, animals, love, feelings, etc. Really look around you.

Live with intention- Make your every action intentional. For example, If you intend and choose to have a conversation with someone, really listen. Put your own thoughts, ego, and agenda aside and truly be present and listen in that conversation. 

When you live with intention, you are doing things for a reason. Whether that reason is because it makes you happy, you are curious, or it brings you closer to a goal, you are still the person that makes that choice. Remember, if you intend to have greatness, make great choices.

So let me ask you this... How present are you?

Feedback

Until around the age of 30, I always had this notion that feedback was something negative.  Whenever I would receive feedback, or “criticism” as I thought of it, I would get very defensive and rarely listen. I always thought that someone was trying to rain on my parade or dismiss my hard work. I never stopped to think and reflect on how feedback could serve as an opportunity for growth.  Instead of being willing to RESPOND to the feedback I was receiving, I would REACT.

Feedback can come in many different forms, and may be given or received. It can also be perceived as positive or negative depending upon the angle that it is looked at.  Feedback may come as a situation, comment, body language, emotion, look, feeling, or action.  In order to understand how to use feedback to my advantage, the first thing that I had to do was to not take it personal.  I have learned that feedback is just a tool that is used to determine our effectiveness of any situation.  It shows us our strengths and where we need improvement.  Ultimately, it serves as an opportunity to evolve and improve.

I first began to change my thought process about feedback when I became part of a program called TLQP (Teacher Leader Quality Partnership) at a local college in the city where I grew up.  At this point in my life I had been teaching elementary school for six years (four of them being in the inner city), and being a part of this group was a great way to collaborate with supportive, like-minded teachers. This group was offered to teachers who taught in the city, and I always admired how these wonderful educators enjoyed finding new and innovative ways to be creative in their classrooms (despite the struggles, challenges, and lack of resources). Everyone truly had the best intentions for their students in mind, and the effectiveness of lessons, rules, and procedures were always a priority. 

Being a member of TLQP had the stipulation of developing a Learning Experience (LE).   A Learning Experience is an in-depth lesson or unit that was meant to be utilized in the classroom.  It consisted of, but was not limited to, core standards, engaging and challenging experiences for the students, assessments, technology, adaptable materials, modifications to reach all learners, and manipulatives.  Every member was required to develop, implement, and present their Learning Experience to the group as part of a peer review process.  This process was very structured and allowed for, what we called, warm and cool feedback.  Warm feedback was what the group praised and liked, and the cool feedback were clarifying questions the group had or suggestions that would be made that could improve the LE.  It was completely nonthreatening because my hard work was still being honored and appreciated, but I was also gaining insight and ideas that I had never thought of!  After my LE was peer reviewed and my revisions were made, I realized that without the feedback I received, my LE would not have been as great as it turned out to be in the end. 

Upon completion of my peer review, I began to reflect on others areas of my life. How many times had I been part of a different kind of “peer review”? How many times had I been asked clarifying questions only to snap back with rudeness or aggravation?  How many times was I given quality suggestions only to take offense and never implement them because I thought that someone was just trying to telling me what to do or control me?  How many times could my life have been improved if I had just internalized and considered the feedback that I was given? 

Now my life is much different.  I now look for, notice, and embrace feedback because I know that without feedback I cannot improve my life and grow.  I want people to know me, and I want to know them. I notice facial expressions and body language, and I adapt myself and the energy that I am putting out there accordingly.  If I expect a certain outcome, I look at how I am portraying myself and what information I am giving to the world. My feedback will surely tell me. I now want people to ask me questions and understand what stand for, and I choose to understand them. 

I have also learned to embrace suggestions! I know now that suggestions help me to see things as I might not otherwise have seen them.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are many suggestions that I have considered and realized were not for me. But, on the other hand, taking some suggestions have recently led me down roads and allowed me to gain results that I would never have experienced otherwise.  

I suppose, to sum things up, I have learned that being open to feedback will never be a negative thing.  It can surely tell me a lot about myself, my environment, or if I am headed in the right direction.  The matter of importance is noticing the feedback, and responding to it, as opposed to reacting.

What is your feedback telling you?