How To Get "In Flow"

Have you ever had that feeling of going through a difficult task with complete ease?   

Or, upon completion of a project you realized that having been entirely engulfed in the process, you lost track of time and were “in the zone”?  Well, this is what is known as “flow”.

As stated in Wikipedia, “Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.” 

Flow is a word that is often used in the personal development/ personal growth worlds, sports, art, music, or when doing pretty much anything that involves full attention or creativity.  It is a state that people strive to achieve without, many times, completely understanding what it is. 

So, what would someone experience being in flow?

• Heightened energy and control
• Being completely “present”
• Full focus, clarity, and concentration
• No concept of time or space
• Productivity 
• Creativity
• Happiness

Wow, who wouldn’t want to feel like like?!  It’s almost as if the world moves to assist the completion of a task in an effortless and enjoyable way!  

How to achieve flow in your life

Now that we have discussed what flow is and what being in flow looks like, let’s talk about how to make it a part of daily life.  Know that getting in flow takes a deep level of concentration, so these helpful tips will have to be practiced. 

Tip 1: Choose a challenging task- When choosing a task, allow your mind to be challenged. Being challenged is that place in between ease and overwhelm.  You don’t want your mind to be taken over by discouragement due to difficulty, or boredom because of ease.  The point is to choose a task that requires concentration and focus so to encourage flow.

Tip 2:  Commit to the completion of the task- After choosing a task at the appropriate challenge level, commit to it’s completion. Only you have the power to commit and complete.  Dedicate your mind and focus to do what you set out to do.

Tip 3:  Give yourself space and time- Only you know when and where you are the most productive and your energy is the highest.  My times are in the mornings, and my place is a local library. I LOVE the peaceful feeling I have when I sit next to the floor-to-ceiling windows in solitude.  I wake up with a clear mind, meditate, go to the library and begin a task. When I am in this frame of mind and have the feeling of calm and peace, inspiration and flow comes very easily! My worst times are right before lunch or right when I get home from work.  What about you? When and where do you have the highest levels of focus and concentration?

Tip 4: Remove distractions:  When obtaining flow, one needs optimal levels of focus and concentration.  Anything that may distract you from the task at hand needs to be temporarily removed.  This includes cell phones, email pop ups or alerts, television, clutter (mental and physical), to-do lists, and music (unless it helps you concentrate).  The point is to “get in the zone” and “lose yourself” in your concentration.  

Tip 5:  Become aware:  When overtaken by flow and your challenging task is completed,  sit back and become aware of the experience.  Are there moments you have forgotten? If you were writing, did you reread your piece and think “Man, this is really good!” without remembering how you put it all together? Same with a project, or art work, or even cleaning!  Try to be consciously aware of how the task was completed.

Tip 6:  Praise yourself:  Allow yourself to take that big sigh, and tell yourself that you are a genius! Sit back and really soak up the feeling of productivity and accomplishment!

The Art of Being Present

“Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment” 

 ~Buddha

How many times have you been driving only to realize that you have no idea how you came to be where you are?  How often have you devoured dinner only to look at your almost empty plate wondering how it got that way?  Think about how many times you have met someone new only to have forgotten their name five minutes later.

There is no denying that life is busy and that our minds take us elsewhere.  In fact, most people spend more time thinking about their past or future than they do about where they are at any given moment.  Unfortunately, this creates an inner world of chaos that makes it almost impossible to live a completely happy and peaceful life.  

Let’s talk about the problems with focusing on the past and future.

THE PAST:

I have never been one to sugar coat anything so I am just going to come right out and say it... STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PAST. When you focus on the past, you think about things that can not be changed.  The past is over, done with, complete, no longer existing. I know that may seem harsh, and yes, the past can many times leave scars. But the problem is that if you continually think about the past, then you will miss the present.  You will be so focused on either the sadness or greatness that has already taken place, that you will not notice the opportunities right in front of you. If you do not notice present opportunities, then how can you evolve?  

Yes, it is important to learn from past mistakes, but that is all it should be...learning.  Reflecting is different than dwelling.  Reflect, improve, continue the journey.

THE FUTURE:

I love the thought of the future just as much as the next guy.  The visions, the opportunities, the possibilities! It get me excited just thinking about it! I am not saying to completely stop thinking about the future because I know that visualization and having a clear and definite plan is key to success.  I am going to say, however, to not let those thoughts completely consume you to where you may miss an opportunity.  

The future, unfortunately, is not guaranteed. Many times plans will change, goals will change, LIFE will change.  It always seems that right when we have things the way we want them the unexpected will happen.  Nothing is ever certain with the future. 

_______________________________________________________________________

What is the deal with being present?

THE PRESENT

So, now let’s talk about the awesomeness of being in the present!  Being present means more than just focusing on the here and now.  It is a type of consciousness and awareness.  Being present is noticing your space, your time, your surroundings, your moments.  It is appreciating each second, remembering that those are seconds of your life that you will never get back.  

As I went for a walk today, I made a point to be present and notice if others were being present as well.  I began my walk with noticing a mother raking leaves with her two children.  Although this is a dreaded chore to some, the three seemed to be having fun with the task. The mother spoke to her children about their day and genuinely asked questions and listened to answers.

About a half mile later, my awareness focused on the rest of my surroundings. I noticed the sounds of birds, my footsteps, my breath, and my dogs heavy panting.  I gazed in awe at the sun blazing through the clouds, the sky, and the amazing mountains. I felt the muscles in my body working to move me faster. I thought about how amazing the human body is and how everything works in just the right ways. It was as if my consciousness had shifted.  It felt as though my senses were heightened. That walk was mine and I enjoyed my moment in time.

To finish my walk, I passed the cute family raking leaves together again.  Only this time, the mother and her two children were lying in the pile they raked.  As I walked by I listened to their conversation.  The mother lifted the little girl up (she couldn’t have been more than 3 years old) in the airplane position.  While doing that, the little boy said to her, “Momma, I feel like I’m in a cloud”.  Their conversation continued on to what it would be like to fly in a cloud, how it would feel and what they would see. The family was completely engaged in their fantasy conversation.  By the time I fully passed, the three were lying there quietly looking at the clouds together, as if contemplating or visualizing their thoughts.

“WOW!”, I thought. What an amazing example of a mother being present with her children.  I’m sure she could have been thinking about twenty different things at that moment.  I’m sure she has bills to pay, rooms to clean, tasks to complete for work, or deadlines to make, but she made a choice in that place in time. Even if it was for that small moment, she decided to leave everything behind and shut everything off in order to dream about what it would be like to be in a cloud with her children.  She was there with them... not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well. Her body was calm, her mind was relaxed, and I believe she experienced what it was like to be still.

TIPS ON BEING PRESENT:

Focus on your breathing- When you think about and focus on your breath, all of the stray thoughts in your mind seem to disappear.  You are then left with a clear mind and your awareness of your breath.  

Chew multiple times before swallowing your food-  While eating, chew your food a minimum of 30 times before you swallow. Your food should be a liquid or almost liquid by the time it goes down your throat.  Be quiet when you eat. Think about your actions. Appreciate the blessings that you are given.

Practice- Practice being quiet and listening. Listen to everything that is going on around you. If you are walking, stop for a moment and close your eyes. Really listen to everything that you do not notice when you’re not listening. Hear people, cars, birds, feet, wind, airplanes, trains, bikes, your breath, music, jewelry clanking.  Slow your thoughts and just listen. 

Become aware- Shift your awareness to your environment. Notice everything!  Many times our minds are so busy that our eyes miss the beauty of this world. We only see what is in our minds.  Become aware instead. Have a heightened aware of trees, grass, snow, clouds, mountains, hills, animals, love, feelings, etc. Really look around you.

Live with intention- Make your every action intentional. For example, If you intend and choose to have a conversation with someone, really listen. Put your own thoughts, ego, and agenda aside and truly be present and listen in that conversation. 

When you live with intention, you are doing things for a reason. Whether that reason is because it makes you happy, you are curious, or it brings you closer to a goal, you are still the person that makes that choice. Remember, if you intend to have greatness, make great choices.

So let me ask you this... How present are you?

Feedback

Until around the age of 30, I always had this notion that feedback was something negative.  Whenever I would receive feedback, or “criticism” as I thought of it, I would get very defensive and rarely listen. I always thought that someone was trying to rain on my parade or dismiss my hard work. I never stopped to think and reflect on how feedback could serve as an opportunity for growth.  Instead of being willing to RESPOND to the feedback I was receiving, I would REACT.

Feedback can come in many different forms, and may be given or received. It can also be perceived as positive or negative depending upon the angle that it is looked at.  Feedback may come as a situation, comment, body language, emotion, look, feeling, or action.  In order to understand how to use feedback to my advantage, the first thing that I had to do was to not take it personal.  I have learned that feedback is just a tool that is used to determine our effectiveness of any situation.  It shows us our strengths and where we need improvement.  Ultimately, it serves as an opportunity to evolve and improve.

I first began to change my thought process about feedback when I became part of a program called TLQP (Teacher Leader Quality Partnership) at a local college in the city where I grew up.  At this point in my life I had been teaching elementary school for six years (four of them being in the inner city), and being a part of this group was a great way to collaborate with supportive, like-minded teachers. This group was offered to teachers who taught in the city, and I always admired how these wonderful educators enjoyed finding new and innovative ways to be creative in their classrooms (despite the struggles, challenges, and lack of resources). Everyone truly had the best intentions for their students in mind, and the effectiveness of lessons, rules, and procedures were always a priority. 

Being a member of TLQP had the stipulation of developing a Learning Experience (LE).   A Learning Experience is an in-depth lesson or unit that was meant to be utilized in the classroom.  It consisted of, but was not limited to, core standards, engaging and challenging experiences for the students, assessments, technology, adaptable materials, modifications to reach all learners, and manipulatives.  Every member was required to develop, implement, and present their Learning Experience to the group as part of a peer review process.  This process was very structured and allowed for, what we called, warm and cool feedback.  Warm feedback was what the group praised and liked, and the cool feedback were clarifying questions the group had or suggestions that would be made that could improve the LE.  It was completely nonthreatening because my hard work was still being honored and appreciated, but I was also gaining insight and ideas that I had never thought of!  After my LE was peer reviewed and my revisions were made, I realized that without the feedback I received, my LE would not have been as great as it turned out to be in the end. 

Upon completion of my peer review, I began to reflect on others areas of my life. How many times had I been part of a different kind of “peer review”? How many times had I been asked clarifying questions only to snap back with rudeness or aggravation?  How many times was I given quality suggestions only to take offense and never implement them because I thought that someone was just trying to telling me what to do or control me?  How many times could my life have been improved if I had just internalized and considered the feedback that I was given? 

Now my life is much different.  I now look for, notice, and embrace feedback because I know that without feedback I cannot improve my life and grow.  I want people to know me, and I want to know them. I notice facial expressions and body language, and I adapt myself and the energy that I am putting out there accordingly.  If I expect a certain outcome, I look at how I am portraying myself and what information I am giving to the world. My feedback will surely tell me. I now want people to ask me questions and understand what stand for, and I choose to understand them. 

I have also learned to embrace suggestions! I know now that suggestions help me to see things as I might not otherwise have seen them.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are many suggestions that I have considered and realized were not for me. But, on the other hand, taking some suggestions have recently led me down roads and allowed me to gain results that I would never have experienced otherwise.  

I suppose, to sum things up, I have learned that being open to feedback will never be a negative thing.  It can surely tell me a lot about myself, my environment, or if I am headed in the right direction.  The matter of importance is noticing the feedback, and responding to it, as opposed to reacting.

What is your feedback telling you?

Living by my values

During my journey, one of the most defining moments was when I listed and began living by my core values. When considering my values, I had to determine what was the most important thing to me at that moment in my life. You see, values will change as you achieve goals, get older, or reevaluate their importance.  They are what you can always look back on to see if you are truly aligned with the life that you desire. When I was not intentionally living by my values, I did not know why I was doing certain things nor did I have any real motivating factors.  To put it bluntly, I was just floating through life with no real direction. Once I knew and lived by my values, I was able to make all of my decision based on them. Life began to get very easy because there was no confusion or questioning if things were right or wrong.  When making decisions on relationships, business, activities, events, and everything that had to do with day to day life I would think back to my values. If the decision was aligned with my values I would move forward, and if they were not then I would know that it was not the right choice for me.  Once my values were determined, every goal I made had a purpose and every opportunity that I chose to act upon moved me closer to those goals.     

In determining my core values, I first decided to categorize the different areas of my life.   I needed to decide what I was going to focus on first whether it was career values, relationship values, family values, spiritual values, wealth/money values, quality of life/personal values, or health values.  Knowing that all areas are important, I had to determine what was the MOST significant at this stage in my life.  I had to ask myself, “What do I really want? What is important to me right now, at this moment, in my life?” 

I decided to begin with my personal values and realized that many of these values carried over into every area of my life.  As I wrote down my values, I also added a few sentences describing why that value was of the upmost importance.  I was also able to combine certain values by doing this.  Here are a few of the values that I began with:

1. God- Having faith and knowing that God is always with me allows me to see the trials and challenges in my life as opportunities for growth (not just my successes). 
2. Meditation- Meditation allows me to have a sense of clarity and focus.  It keeps me calm and positive, seeing only possibilities and opportunities.  It is through meditation that I form and visualize my grandest visions.
3. Success- Success, to me, means adding value not only to my own life, but to the lives of others. I consider myself successful when I inspire and empower others to live up to and reach their full potential.
4. Personal Growth and Development- Continuing to grow and learn more about myself will, in turn, add value to everyone around me. It enhances my mind, spirit and confidence. The effects of personal growth and development are self reflection, openness, and taking responsibility for my life and its outcomes. When I become better, I attract better people, situations, and circumstances.
5. Authenticity-  Being authentic helps me to spread my message in a way that is comfortable to myself and others. People notice that I am compassionate, genuine, empathetic, respectful, willing to communicate and be of service to others. Being authentic leads to quality relationships which, in turn, leads to partnerships and collaborations towards the greater good of all.

Easily listed, these are my personal values:

God

meditation

vision

success

add value

inspire

empower

personal growth and development (living up to my fullest potential)

self reflection

openness

taking responsibility

authenticity

compassionate

empathetic

respectful

willing to communicate

service

quality relationships

Each bolded word is a value that I choose to live by.  I make choices and decisions based on these values because this is what I stand for and they are what is important in my life.  Interestingly enough, once I developed my list of personal values, I realized that these values carried over into other areas of my life.

What values do you live by?

De-clutter

As I was beginning my journey and looking for more simplicity, something that DESPERATELY needed to be done was de-cluttering my life.  When I say de-clutter I don’t just mean that I had some clothes on the ground of my bedroom or some bubble gum wrappers in my truck (which I did). I truly had to go through every area of my life and make room for the universe to bring me better.  You see I was holding on to things.  Mentally, physically, and emotionally I had junk piled up farther than anyone would be able to see.  How did I let it get so bad? Why did I continuously add to the buildup? Well, I suppose I thought that keeping certain feelings, thoughts, and physical items would keep me in control of my life.  I knew those things, I felt comfortable with those things (even if they didn’t serve me), and I thought I could control those things.  Another reason was because I had a shopping addiction.  I loved to shop because it made me feel good coming home with new things. The problem was that  I WAS EXPECTING THE “THINGS” TO KEEP ME HAPPY.  I never stopped to think of why I wasn’t happy without new “things”. I was genuinely convinced that shopping and obtaining new items would keep me happy.  Boy was I wrong!  It is quite the contrary actually. Holding on to things left no space for great things to come my way.  The old items, feelings, emotions, and thoughts literally put up barriers forcing any greatness to a halt. 

Once I made the choice to clean up my life I began slow and easy with my external world.  I knew that I wanted my life to be organized in every area and for everything to have its place. Once I began cleaning my external world, my internal world followed. You see, I started to feel good! I felt good about the letting items go, giving to the needy, the order of my new world, the appearance of things, and the space that was created.  When I felt good, I attracted more good! 

What did I do? 

(WARNING: This is time consuming but will completely pay off in the end!)

Bedroom/Closet

1. I bought a label maker.
2. I bought containers for my shoes, hats, toiletries, belts, bags, and anything else that might be lying around my closet.  On each of those containers I had a label for what belonged there. Check out http://www.containerstore.com  for some great organizing ideas! 
3. I went through my closet and dressers discarding any clothes, shoes, socks, hats, bags, bathing suits, and anything else that I had not worn or was not interested in keeping. (Three bags full went to the goodwill) 
4. I organized my closet by color beginning with dark colors and transitioning to lights.
5. I bought all white hangers so everything looked the same.
6. I moved my bedroom furniture around.  Check out http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/applying-feng-shui-principles-to-your-bed.html  for the feng shui suggestions.
7. I cleaned out under my bed!! I didn’t realize how much junk was under there.  I had old papers from college, ex-boyfriend boxes, and random knick-knacks that served no purpose.
8. Finally I dusted, windex’d, vacuumed, cleaned every screen on my windows, and lit a few candles.  

WOW did I feel good after that day!!

Bathroom

I honestly never realized what a pack rat I was!  

1. I went through the linen closet and threw away any products that I hadn’t used in the past six months. I made sure to check expiration dates for any other products that I decided to keep. 
2. I refolded and organized any towels and wash clothes.
3. I bought a stick on shower organizer for extra products that did not fit on my shower shelves.
4. I bought new, more natural, bath products that were better for my body and environment.
5. I cleaned out the medicine cabinet of anything that had not been used (checked expiration dates)
6. I bought small containers for my Q-tips, cotton balls, tampons (sorry boys), band-aids, and anything else that needed a place.
7. I scrubbed my shower and sink areas.
8. I cleaned the floors and mirrors.

Ahhhhhhhh, that felt great!

Office/Computer 

(During this time I was an elementary school teacher so it was very difficult to keep my desk organized)

1. I got a filing cabinet.
2. I filed all lesson plans by month and seasons.
3. I bought different size bins for storage of books, and supplies for myself and the students.
4. I labeled EVERYTHING.
5. I had the students clean out their desks as I cleaned out mine so we could all know the importance of being organized.
6. On my computer, I saved any files from college to a flash drive and deleted them.
7. I placed all documents on my computer into labeled folders.

Boy, I just felt better and better!  :)

People, Places, Things (Personal Life)

1. Any person that did not make me happy I either stopped talking to or had limited contact with.
2. I stopped watching or reading anything that had to do with celebrity gossip.
3. I did not associate with gossipers or naysayers.  I would much rather have quality conversations.
4. I watched what I spent my money on.  I only bought things if I needed them or was absolutely in love.  In other words, I didn’t buy things just to buy them.
5. I listened to uplifting music or music that focused on love.  I personally prefer R&B music so I listened to a lot of Jennifer Hudson, Musiq Soulchild, John Legend, and anyone else that had a good, clean, positive message to send out.
6. I stopped going out on the town and chose to go to the library (my place of peace) and study instead.
7. I completely stopped drinking alcohol. Many times when alcohol was involved I made very questionable choices and I preferred a clear, focused mind instead.  
8. I did more than I was paid to do at work. People quickly noticed and began to comment.
9. I reconnected with my God.
10. I began to take my life seriously.

FREE Meditations: Meditationfest :)

Friends!! I have the best news! I have used many different meditation methods to enhance my life in every area.  Besides for the Silva Life System, there was  another program that made a huge impact on my life entitled Paraliminals by Paul Scheele.  During these meditations, you hear Paul Scheele speaking in both ears at the same time but telling you different affirmations and stories.  It is specifically done this way to stimulate the right and left brain.   I tell you this because Paul Sheele’s company “Learning Strategies” is holding a FREE event called “Meditationfest”.  The event begins on September 10, 2012 and lasts for six days. Each day a new meditation is sent to you from a different acclaimed mentor or teacher.  This is what the line up looks like:

Day 1:"Rebalancer" and "Abundance" Meditations by Spiritual Mentor Deirdre Hade 

Day 2:"Euphoria & Healing" Meditation by teacher, healer, and Qigong master Chunyi Lin

Day 3:"Conscious Awareness in the Present Moment" Meditation by Spiritual Mentor Jeddah Mali

Day 4:"Burning" Meditation by teacher and mentor Brian Osborne

Day 5:"Law of Attraction Tubes of Light" Meditation by Feng Shui master Marie Diamond 

Day 6:"Relaxation and Awareness" Meditation by Himalayan master Swami Veda Bharati 

Please, Please, Please do not miss this opportunity! It is completely FREE! Just go to the website for Meditationfest to get your Free pass.  Happy Meditating :)

Meditation

Throughout my journey I have randomly had annoying mental chatter that would creep in.  In the beginning, it was so bad to the point that it deterred me from achieving my goals.  One thing that I knew needed to be done was to quiet my mind.  When my mind was still, I was able to make clear and intentional decisions.  I was also able to see different paths to lead me to success.  So how did I quiet my mind?  Meditation! Truthfully, I had always thought meditation was a little “out there” and wasn’t for me. Why? I have no idea! I had never even tried it before.  There are so many benefits to meditation! To name a few, I personally reduced anxiety, was cured from headaches, had increased energy, was able to completely focus and concentrate, had increased creativity, developed impeccable intuition, was able to control my thoughts, gained greater wisdom, and experienced a feeling of oneness that I never knew existed.

My introduction to meditation came through a yoga/pilates class that I was involved in at my local gym.  At the end of the hour long class there was a 5-10 time span dedicated to a guided meditation or “relaxation”.  This time came to be one that I genuinely looked forward to every class. I finally asked the yoga instructor if i could buy the cd just for the meditation music and was told that they were not for sale.  I went home and immediately went on youtube to see what I could find that was similar.  The music that I found was really great and relaxing but there was one problem... I had no idea how to meditate.  I didn’t know what to do.  I sat with my legs crossed and eyes closed listening to the music. Now don’t get me wrong, it was relaxing but I was always one that needed more structure.  I went online and began my research for a guided meditation program that was right for me and came across The Silva Life System.  Truthfully, I didn’t buy the program for about three months.  I continuously thought about it and it frequently popped up. First it was through email, then I heard others talking about it, and finally, my sister had gone to a seminar and actually met Laura Silva!  I took that as a sign and went online to buy the program to realize that it was on sale for only $67!! SCORE!! I bought it and began the program immediately.

In case you needed a reminder of the physiological, psychological, and spiritual benefits that meditation provides, I have made a short list for you :)

• Stress reduction
• Assists in weight loss
• Aids in controlling thoughts
• Relaxation of the nervous system
• Increased energy
• Relieves headaches and migraines
• Helps in problem solving
• Builds and enhances self confidence, focus and concentration
• Increased sense of wisdom
• Helps in discovering one's purpose
• Allows for the feeling of enlightenment
• Decreases worry and feelings of restlessness  
• Allows for self acceptance
• Brings harmony to your mind, body and soul
• Influences positive moods and behavior through raised serotonin levels

I Promised Myself

When beginning my journey I made the declaration to myself to become better.  One day, not long after my commitment to change, I looked in an old cookbook in order to find a family recipe for Christmas cookies.  While searching through handwritten recipes from my mother and late great grandmother I stumbled upon this poem.  My great grandmother had written it out and lived her life by these words.  I’m convinced that she left it behind for a purpose.  I made the choice that day to live my life by these words and I haven’t looked back since.

I Promise Myself... by Christian D. Larson

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.

To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

Who do I think I am?

So many times in life you hear people negatively say, “Just who do you think you are?” Well, I wanted to ask myself that question, but in a more serious sense. I went through years of my life living based on other peoples thoughts and opinions of how THEY thought I should live. I never stopped to think of what I really wanted. I was told what was appropriate to wear, the type of person I should date, what I was good at, what I wasn’t good at, what music to listen to, how I should be as a significant other, how I should be as a daughter and sister, what job would be respectable and acceptable, and so on.  It’s no wonder I hadn’t had any successful relationships. I didn’t even know who I was, what I wanted, what I liked, and what would make me happy! It wasn’t until I was completely miserable with my job, done months of complaining, and literally had a crying breakdown that my sister sat me down and asked me probably the most important questions anyone has ever asked.  She asked “What do you want to do in life? What would make you happy?” WOW!!! Such simple questions that you think would have a direct and simple response.  I just sat there but could not come up with an answer.  It was almost as if I didn’t know how to think for myself! I wondered to myself “How can I be happy if I don’t know what would make me happy?”. I had to do some SERIOUS soul searching.

What were the steps I took?

1.  I bought a journal.  Never in my life had I had a journal so I didn’t even know where to begin. My first journal entry was introducing myself to myself. I would ask questions and answer them as truthfully as possible. When I didn’t know what I truly wanted in that area of my life, or when I wanted to change what life currently looked like, I would write my ideal situation and was specific as possible.  Some questions I asked were:

 What is your favorite color?
How do you like your hair?
What is your favorite style of clothing?
What kind of music do you like?
What is your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?
What would your ideal career entail?
What do you LOVE to do?
What relaxes you?
What gets you excited?
What do you love about yourself?
If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
How much money do you want to make in a year?
How do you want people to treat you?
What is important to you in a relationship?

2.   I put myself on a study program.  I knew that I wanted to be a successful, independent adult, but did not know how to make that happen.  I read book after book on success and successful people.  Some influential books included:
“Think and Grow Rich “ Napoleon Hill
“The Law of Success” Napoleon Hill
“As a Man Thinketh” James Allen
“The Science of Getting Rich” Wallace D. Wattles
  “The Success Principles” Jack Canefield
“You were Born Rich” Bob Proctor
“The Silva Mind Control” Jose Silva

3.  I picked out the character traits of successful people that I wanted to adopt into my life and began to apply them immediately.  Some character traits included:
Quick and accurate decision making
Self disciplined
Compassion
Empathy
Self confidence
Positive attitude
Self motivated
Taking action 
Passionate about my life and work
Willingness to help others
Recognizing and using resources
Doing more than I was paid to do
Desire for self growth
Truly listening to others
Being intuitive
Taking responsibility for my results

4. I added many affirmations into my meditations to enhance my self confidence and self worth.

5.  I reflected on my daily events each night to decide what times I was happy and what times I wasn’t.  I wrote all of my happy moments in my journal. As I started thinking about my happy moments, more happy moments began to appear.

6.  I realized that although people meant well in giving me their thoughts and opinions, it did not serve me to live a life that was not my own. 

7.  I began making my own decisions WITHOUT asking for the input of others.  If others criticized, gave an opinion, or gave advice based on my decision without being asked, I would say “I appreciate your opinion, but I would appreciate your support even more.”.  They usually stopped talking, walked away, or changed the subject.

8.  Slowly but surely, the more I believed in myself, what I studied, what I wrote, and what I applied, the more I watched my true life begin to unfold.

Mental Freedom (Stop the Madness!!)

It has been suggested that people think between 50,000- 60,000 thoughts a day. When I heard that, I knew that I would much rather be controlling my thoughts instead of having them control me. You see, every person has mental chatter, or mental madness, or a mental monster. Call it what you will, but the effect is the same in all cases. Let me explain. When you have mental madness, as I like to call it, it is like a voice in your mind  taking over your entire being. They are the thoughts that fester until new like minded thoughts show up and literally have a constant ongoing conversation.  It is the never ending voice in your mind that is continuously feeding off of whatever external factors it is presented with. It knows your fears, desires, weaknesses, habits, insecurities, and any other attitude towards life that you may have. These thoughts are many times undesirable, if not controlled, and may lead to hours of wasted energy, lack of attention or focus, and unproductive habits. Think about it, how many times have you woke up on the wrong side of the bed and it carried over throughout your entire day. Let’s say you woke up 20 minutes late, then you had to skip breakfast, then you couldn’t enjoy your morning coffee, then there was traffic, then your boss commented on you walking in late, and so on and so forth. Your mental madness feeds off of negativity and will cause you to make decisions that one might not make if they had a sound mind.

In order for me to gain mental freedom I knew that I needed to change at least half of my thought patterns to start.  My mental madness had taken over for the last time and I was fed up! I wanted a life of peace. So what were the steps I took?

1. I began to monitor my thoughts.  Having an awareness of the thoughts I purposely put in my mind and the thoughts that entered without permission helped me to know what I needed to change externally.  
2. I began to meditate everyday.  Meditation helped me to calm, relax, and control my mind. In my stillness, I was able to truly identify and embrace my purpose in life. My vision was no longer blurred. 
3. I began doing yoga 2 times a week. Yoga enhanced my mind by allowing me to fully utilize levels of concentration and focus that I previously did not know existed.  These levels of concentration and focus then carried over to my studies and other areas of my life.
4. I made myself a “LOVE” playlist on my ipod and would only listen to positive, uplifting music.  Music is a huge part of my life and this step alone put me in a much more positive vibration.
5. I completely cut out negative television, gossip magazines, naysayers, and drama. 

Accountability

Accountability

From February 2010 to the present, one of the very first and most important changes that I made in my life was holding myself accountable for the way my life was.  Believe me when I tell you that it was not an easy thing to do when I truly had to face myself in the mirror and reflect on my past choices and behaviors. Now yes, I did have many limiting beliefs based on what I grew up “thinking” was correct, but I was a grown adult in my late 20’s with a perfectly functioning brain! I know the difference between right and wrong.  Nobody MADE me think the thoughts I had. Nobody MADE me act the way that I did. Nobody MADE me choose the choices I made. I did everything on my own. Everything from the way that I spoke, how I chose to listen, my internal/external behaviors, who/what I surrounded myself with, the clothes I wore,  how I allowed people to treat me, and how I treated myself, to the food I put in my body, the external influences that I allowed to enter into my mind, and how I chose to spend my time.  The more I reflected, the more I saw the correlation with the law of attraction.  What I was putting out into the world I was receiving right back.  The uglier my internal world was, the uglier my external world got.  I had to make a change.  

What steps did I take? 

1. I accepted the past. There was nothing that could have been done to change it. The past is the past. It no longer exists. It is over and done with. There is no need to look back and dwell because it cannot be changed. IT IS WHAT IT IS. Once I realized that, I truly and whole heartedly forgave myself and others for mistakes made.  I vowed to chalk up my past as a learning experience, and get on with life (this step alone took a HUGE weight off of my shoulders).
2. I came to the realization that the life I was living was based on my past choices and HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT MY FUTURE LOOKED LIKE.
3. I completely took responsibility for my present choices.  I held a picture in my mind of how I wanted my life to be and I began to ACT in the way I saw myself in my mind.
4. I made the commitment to surround myself with positive people, situations, and circumstances. I very rapidly began to cut out all negativity from my life (television shows, music, books, people, places, habits, clothes, internet sites).  Anything that caused me to think in a negative way, I cut out.  
5. I truly focused on and appreciated how amazing my life really was. I began a list for everything that I was grateful for.